Marcus Aurelius, one of the wisest men who ever ruled the Roman Empire, wrote in his diary, “I am going to meet people today who talk too much; people who are selfish, egotistical, ungrateful.  But I won’t be surprised or disturbed, for I couldn’t imagine a world without such people.”

Human nature has always been human nature.  Most of our relationship-based troubles aren’t because of human nature, but because of our ignorance in expecting human nature to be other than what it is.  If we are willing to accept others as they are, and if we are willing to change our approach towards others, then there can be no relationship-based disturbances.  Unfortunately, we expect others to accept us as we are, and we expect them to change their approach towards us.  In the latter, you are at the mercy of the world.  In the former, you are in control.  When you have a choice, why settle for a consequence?

One such quality in human nature is the “Because of me only…” craving.

Without the goal scorers, the match would not have been won.  Without the goalie saving some of the kicks, the match would not have been won.  Without the strength of your defence, without the weakness in the opponent’s defence, without the referee’s efficiency, without the linesman’s fairness, without that coach in the background, without the crowd’s cheering, and many more intangible factors to add to this list – the match would not have been won.

For a phenomenon like Mahatma Gandhi to happen in bone and flesh, was it because of his mother’s parenting, or was it that incident in South Africa, was it his principles of Satyagraha and Ahimsa, was it his spiritual alignment, was it a divine providence, was it the contexts the British provided for the transformation of Mohandas Karamchand into a Mahatma – which one factor can you isolate?

Too many factors, tangible and intangible, play a part in the making of anyone or anything.  Everything has to be in sync to cause success and even if one factor is not in sync, it can cause the failure.  Yet, when success happens, everybody wants a share of credit, and there goes, “Because of me only…

Like all relationship-based issues, the solution is two-fold, one, an approach for yourself and two, an approach for the others. When it comes to you, give up and transcend this “Because of me only…” craving and you will cease to be an emotional beggar.  The joy of giving is in giving.  Find a way to be useful in everything and with everybody, and leave it at that.  Being useful is a purpose in itself.  Even with your children, with your organisation, with anything and everything… give up and transcend the “Because of me only…” craving.  There is true emotional freedom in it.

Of course, when it comes to others, never ever miss an opportunity to tell them, “Because of you only…” and say it with all your heart.  It gladdens the heart of others so much, the sheer joy and fulfilment it brings to others is worth saying a million times, “Because of you only…”

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